For the past couple weeks as things have gotten busier and the move has gotten closer, I've been more and more questioning if my decision is the right one. So when I start questioning, I start weighing pros and cons of staying or going. And then I end up even more confused.

For one thing, as much as they can annoy me sometimes, I have a couple really good friends here. They are the kind of friends that like to hang out and do things with me. The kind that I can on a Saturday afternoon, randomly suggest driving to Orlando instead of Tampa to go to a different mall, and they'll say yes. The kind that when I need a friend to go to the movie with, they are right there with me. Basically the kind of friend that doesn't have to schedule me into their lives. I am scared that I won't find that again when I leave.

Another is my job, or rather dissatisfaction with it. Building consumer level websites is a huge pain in the ass. Especially as a contractor. Because I can't tell the client, no don't do that the site will look like ass. And I can't tell the client that I don't give a fuck what the sales person told them, I have a project plan I agreed to and they'll have to pay extra for extra stuff. (sorry to rant). I've started working as the web person for this travel show, and it could possibly turn into a full time thing eventually. Which would rock. I'll already be traveling a lot hopefully to film the episodes. But I'm concerned that if I move then it will make it harder for me to assume that full time position. But that's something I'll need to take up with the producers. Though if that doesn't pan out, Chicago would be a much better place to be at when looking for a regular web job or even looking to move into film/tv production.

And the other thing is just the type of place I want to live in. Recently I've been considering that when I move to the Chicagoland area, I'd locate myself in the northwest suberbs to be near the work place. But I already know that I wouldn't be happy there. For years now I've wanted to live in an urban city area. The kind that doesn't exist anywhere in Tampa, and certainly not in Lithia. Moving to the northwest suburbs or even Schaumberg would be the equivalent of moving to the same place I am right now. And I'm miserable out here. The ideal place for me would be in the city within walking or biking distance to the lake. Lakeview, Uptown, Lincoln Park, Wrigglyview, one of those areas. But on the flip side of that, it means an hour+ drive to get to the offices. Or I could take the train and have someone pick me up on the days I work in the office. I work using my laptop on the train anyways. And that would mean placing myself an hour from the three people I know in the area as well. Which as history has demonstrated, I would only see them at work or for special events.

This is why I hate big decisions. Especially when then encompass so many smaller decisions. Well I mean the big decision has already been made. I am going to move to Chicago, that's not really even a question anymore. Where I live and how I'll run my life when I get there is a different story. Goddess I'm so fucking emo sometimes.